Well, the news finally arrived that I was unsuccessful in attaining admittance to law school. For those of you that don't know it, I have been attempting to get in to law for three years now, and have taken the LSAT three times, composed three different yet profound personal statements, bribed nine interesting people write me glowing reference letters and submitted three marginally updated resumes. Despite it all, rejection!
Of course, the first thought in my head was, "that was a terrific waste of three years of my life." But after watching today's very enlightening episode of "The Young and the Restless," I have quelled my feelings of failure. The show featured a character who quotes the Dali Lama to diminish his despair, which initially made me snicker, but in my vulnerable state, also, unbelievably, inspired me. It goes, "Remember: not getting what you want is sometimes a remarkable stroke of luck." Can you believe I heard it on a soap opera? Long live the daytime stories for they bring clarity to the commoners!
Yet amidst the feelings of inspiration lies the reality that the world has become my oyster, and I have real panic about this. Suddenly, I can pick something else to become, and it is more difficult that I anticipated. After spending a decade at home raising my girls and recently completing an undergraduate degree, I find myself flailing to fit somewhere, without much success. I long to work and be a part of something valuable. I fantasize about earning a pay-cheque. I yearn for chats around the water-cooler. I want to wear high heels every day. I think it would be fun to go to Maxwell Taylor's for Happy Hour long island iced teas and free snacks every Thursday. I just want to be amongst the people.
So, I will scour soaps for insight and consider my future as not-a-lawyer. Meanwhile, productive lawyer people will do productive lawyer things without me. For who will be there to dispense Dali Lama sage advice when they are in a pickle, standing around the water-cooler, pay-cheque in purse, sporting brand new high heels, on their way to Maxwell Taylor's? Not me, I guess.
April 22, 2010
April 14, 2010
Gimme Shelter (Or- The Future #4)
Though there have been a number of psychological setbacks, we are back to planning our year-long trip abroad. There have been some major changes, and I expect there will be more, but the plan is really coming together, and I am beginning to feel more confident about the whole thing.
The strangest part of planning such an abstract vision is having it actually realized. But now that we know it will occur within a year or so, I have been having trouble grounding myself. Even still, as we unfold the world map before us on the kitchen table and discuss countries we'd like to visit, it never sinks in that we will one day actually visit them.
On our way home from the airport a few weekends ago, Jeff and I got to discussing luggage and what might be required for such a journey. I had envisioned all of us with smart little back-packs and hard-sided carry-on sized matching luggage. I stated as much. Jeff shook his head and asked me whether I had considered that I might need to use my bag as a pillow at some point during the trip, and thus, I ought to reconsider the hard exterior of my carry-on. This immediately brought images of the four of us sleeping in road-side ditches somewhere in Arusha, Tanzania. I freaked. And it made me understand that it was possible we had completely different visions of this trip.
It's not like I need to be endlessly pampered, locked up in five star hotel compounds along the way. But I do REALLY appreciate shelter. And warmth. But then I realized the purpose of this trip: to experience everything. And everything means everything, including discomfort and fear. The most difficult revelation that I've had to come to terms with is that my life is simply too comfortable, and often, too easy. Part of the appeal of this trip is the chance to be constantly challenged, and truthfully, to yank us and the kids out of the ease of our lives.
To help fulfill this objective, I have added an interesting adventure in Morocco. That ought to shake things up!
Ultimately, that is the goal. In the meantime, I'd better go look for some soft-sided, smart luggage.
April 6, 2010
Top 100: Ten at a Time
I was recently challenged to compile a top 100 albums of all time list. Of course, this was agreed upon during a rowdy dinner party that included a lot of Prosecco and homemade Orange Cognac. I guess the good news is that I remember the challenge, but regret agreeing.
However, a promise is a promise. So, in order to keep it manageable, I will post ten at a time, with some explanations, of course.
100. "Spirit" Willie Nelson
Nelson's musical career has been incredible, but there have been some disasters along the way (The "Rainbow Connection" comes to mind). But, when Willie's good, he's amazing. And "Spirit" is one of those albums that illustrates his brilliance lyrically and musically. What is most spectacular about this album, is its simplicity and starkness. It reminds me a lot of "Red-Headed Stranger," which had this story-like sound. Though "Spirit" doesn't have a narrative, its religious theme is present but without the preachiness.
99. "OK Computer" Radiohead
I have mixed feelings towards Radiohead generally. I don't like music that sounds like a ruckus, and Radiohead has plenty of that. Fortunately, they also have many thoughtful and beautifully arranged songs, and many happen to be on this album. In fact, if you listen to the entire thing from start to finish, it's a story. I've actually written an entire Holocaust Musical using these songs. "Exit Music for a Film" would be a scene where two siblings prepare to escape the concentration camp and "Karma Police" could be used at the end during the Nuremberg Trials. I know that sounds vulgar, but this is sometimes what goes on in my small brain.
98. "Tigerlilly" Natalie Merchant
Only Natalie Merchant could write such a compelling song about River Phoenix's death, aptly called "River". She has a the ability to write a lament about something that is rather insignificant, like River's absence on the planet. Sorry, but I never really understood the great appeal of that
guy. Anyway, there is also a couple of tunes like "Beloved Wife" and "Seven Years" that are unforgettable.
97. "Faith & Courage" Sinead O'Connor
If there is an album of feminist anthems, this is it. It's Sinead at her best: super pissed off and simply fed up. The themes are strong and obvious: Sinead leaves earthly love for spiritual love and finds a non-judgmental man in "God." It's not at all preachy, but celebratory and at the end of the day, I like it because I love her voice.
96. "Lost Herd" Ian Tyson
Though Ian Tyson has become the new "Blue Rodeo" to me (they're at every single folk festival anywhere you go), this album makes the cut because it's so sincere. Tyson can write some amazing songs, and I am particularly fond of "La Primera," the first horse to arrive in North America. I listened to this album a lot when we lived in Cochrane, and it was the perfect soundtrack to that experience.
95. "La Carretera" Julio Iglesias
Believe it! Julio Iglesias makes my top 100 albums of all time. I absolutely love this Spanish masterpiece. When I worked as a waitress at Zenari's on 1st in 1996/1997, we listened to this album constantly, and it brings back great memories. And, it's a really good compilation of songs. Of course, there is a terrific cheese factor, but it's sexy cheese.
94. "Ten New Songs" Leonard Cohen
Oh, Leonard. When you write songs like "By the Rivers Dark," it almost makes me want to have your baby. Except for the growing another person inside my body aspect. Anyway, this was a long awaited body of work, and it did not disappoint. It's nearly ten years old now, and what is so special about Cohen is his relevance. I can listen to pretty much anything of his, regardless of release date, and appreciate its freshness, still.
93. "Essence" Lucinda Williams
I went to Calgary a couple of years ago to see Lucinda Williams in concert, and let me tell you, she does not look like her photos. Holy crap, she is rode hard and put away wet, but who doesn't like that in a woman? She had a lot of trouble recalling lyrics to her own songs, but whatever, right? That's why artists record CD's! Despite her fetching shortcomings, "Essence" is a dazzler. From "Lonely Girls" to "I Envy the Wind," every song is its own universe. I can't imagine that she will ever create an album more inspired than this one.
92. "Dummy" Portishead
I love Beth Gibbons and would like to marry her. I picture her sitting at the kitchen table, sullenly chain smoking and writing lyrics like, "did you really want. did you really want. did you really want." I know, it sounds lame, but put to really revolutionary electronic music, it's pretty sublime.
91. "Around the World in a Day" Prince
Dear Prince Rogers Nelson: I love your dirty sensitivity. To be clear: I am aware of the album "Purple Rain," but this one is better. "Condition of the Heart" and "The Ladder" are songs that I listened to for the first time when I was 13 (the album came out in 1985) and I will never forget that experience. All of Prince's music is remarkably raw, but these two gems are so stark and pure, you won't be able to handle it.
FIN FOR NOW
April 5, 2010
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